With dark brown hair, brown eyes and what she refers to as “a muffin top for a belt”, Cassandra Lillian Gellar is shy around boys, finds it difficult to make friends, and tends to lose herself in a conversation if there are stars above to stare at. Despite all this, she is a headstrong female with her wits about her, a case of the family love, and an intelligence perhaps overlooked due to her smarter siblings. And of course, she is the owner of a Child of Crux.
Annie May Gellar is riddled with bad luck. Her birthday is the 29th of February, she has asthma, is allergic to many things, cannot see without her glasses, has braces, no fashion sense, and to top it all off she thinks she is better than everyone else. Despite her many shortcomings, Annie is a devoted sister and daughter, and is supporting of Cassie in her time of need. She has no friends and loves science.
At just eleven years of age, witty and very self-assured Brendan Atticus Gellar has already come out to his family, and is constantly getting into trouble. Never one to hold back on his opinion, he is quick to mock his eldest sister and the strange people in the town of Horn-Horn. He hates school, loves Romy & Michele, and seems almost too smart for his own good.
Lesley Anne Gellar is a trained psychologist who is waiting a few more weeks before starting her new job at the Horn-Horn Looney Bin. Her time and effort are spent mostly on dwelling over Cassie’s mental health, but she loves a good snuggle with her husband, and dishing on all the high school goss with her reluctant children. Her parents were Nazis, and they are still cold to her family for being half-Jewish.
After suffering a heart-attack at thirty-nine, Ichabod Michael Gellar is hoping the move to Horn-Horn will be the right thing to put his mind, and his family’s minds, at ease. After moving everybody on a graffiti-covered school bus, settling into old habits is hard, and he finds himself struggling at his new job at the Horn-Horn Law Firm. Can his heart survive the stress?
Zag is a precocious, young orphan from another world. His ability to grant wishes to his owner (that being Cassie) means he is labelled a ‘Child of Crux’, a curse and a blessing on those who are lucky/unlucky enough to come across him. Little does Zag realise, his previous owner wants him back and will stop at nothing to get him.
WARNING! WARNING! PURE EVIL DETECTED!
The bronzed beauty named Eleanore Crapchel Parker knows everything about parties, fashion, and sucking up at school. Principal’s daughter and meany to the core, Eleanore is friends with Cassie until she is dumped for being too materialistic, and boy does she want revenge. Luckily, being Cassie’s next-door-neighbour, she has all the pulling power she could ask for.
Rough on the outside as well as the inside, the ever frank-speaking Hayley loves to shout her opinion when something is awry. Despite her heavy approach in life, she is a kind friend to Cassie and will stand up for her no matter what. She is joined by the tongue to her boyfriend JT, and also sports the gigantic Greg as a back-up friend. She hides a secret school-past from Cassie. She lives at home with her mother, Bonita and her stripper fiancé, Steve. She also has a crazy dog whom she loves very much.
Ms. Weiss is Cassie’s elderly homeroom teacher, and teaches her in every class but Art and PE. She lives in a big house and has over two-hundred garden-gnomes in her garden. She clearly doesn’t care about her students half the time, but is omni-enthusiastic and weird.
Ursula is a Viking Empress from far away, come to reclaim Zag as her own. She accidentally smothered her father to death with her mighty bosom. Hiding out in the old hotel by the golf course in town, biding her time, she goes under the alias of Dame Hermione Purplewink and gets a job at the local high school, hoping to find out who took Zag.
Sleazy, opinionated, but oddly charming and likeable, JT (Jonathan Thomas) is Cassie’s friend, Greg’s bestie, and Hayley’s boyfriend. The two lovebirds were born on the same day, but not together, and he digs her because of her attitude and boobs. He tends to wear beanies or caps whenever he can, and only pipes up when an inappropriate comment is needed.
Well over six feet tall, Greg is Cassie’s “friend through friends”, but she barely ever speaks to him. In turn, he never speaks to her. Greg has all the girls in school crushing on him. But it seems that he has his sights set on just one.
It’s hard to put Tanya into any category. Too cool for Saviours town. Too uppy for Backseatersville. However, she is owned by Eleanore and her gang, and therefore it is assumed she is mortal enemies with Cassie and her friends.
Wednesday is one of Eleanore’s top two best friends of all time. She is cruel, vindictive, pretty, tall and of Irish descent.
Red-haired and sinister from too many years of getting everything she ever wanted, Friday is Eleanore’s other best friend. Totally appalled by all things uncool, she is smart and knows her way around the gossip mill.
Eric Parker is Eleanore’s putty-in-hand father, but also the Horn-Horn High-High’s right-minded Principal. He runs a good school, and despite his shortcomings when it comes to his children’s unfair advantages, he has good principles.
Ms. Berry, formerly Hamilton (but don’t tell her that) is the quiet, frumpy and deeply lonely gym teacher at Cassie’s school. She takes Ursula in and soon finds herself caught up in the great turmoil of 2001.
A mysterious man who has recently arrived in Horn-Horn. Little is known about van Pan, although he is more familiar with the town than one might think.
The newest addition to Horn-Horn High-High, an enthusiastic hand-shaker, and the biggest trouble in school.
Newest faculty member at Horn-Horn High-High. Enthusiastic massager and all-round nice guy.
A giant slab of rock posing as a man, Duke Wilson comes back to Horn-Horn in order to sort out some business.
A visitor from Danube. She is a bodacious surfer wannabe with more skeletons in her closet than she’d care for you to know about.